I am guilty of what 2022 refers to as “Main Character Energy.” This is when you see the world through the lens of a protagonist, fancying yourself the hero of the story. At its best, Main Character Energy is confidence-boosting and self-affirming. At its worst, this is a narcissist’s dream. I’d like to think most days I fall in the former category, but sometimes it gets the best of me and fuels a romantic…but false…narrative of reality.
Take tonight, for example. By the generosity of some very dear friends, I got invited to see my favorite stand-up comedian. Two tickets up for grabs…but I couldn’t find someone to accompany me. My usual go-to’s already spoken for, I was faced with a choice: go by myself and face a heightened social situation solo, or stay at home and miss out on a truly wonderful opportunity.
I opted to go for it, and wow, am I so glad I did. Looking around the arena alone, I caught myself throwing a pity party as I glanced at the empty seat next to me. “How brave am I to step outside my comfort zone like this!” I thought to myself. “People must think I’m so confident and self-assured!”
Ha.
Look, I’m not trying to downplay my decision; I think it’s really cool I’ve grown to a place where I’m not afraid to push myself into more independence. But I cannot lace progress with pathos in order to justify my situation. That only fuels the fire of shallow, ego-centric satisfaction, leading me right back to where I started: insecurity.
Paul explains in 2 Corinthians 12:9-10, “9 But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
Jesus doesn’t need us to be the Main Character. He doesn’t want us puffing out our chests, pretending like we’ve got it all figured out. He wants us to turn to him when we need conviction, not mask our doubt with self-serving hubris. By trusting in God, we release the pressure to look like we have it all together, all the time. Because that kind of leading lady, well, she only exists in the movies.
Food for thought: What narratives do you form about yourself in order to avoid introspection?
Rachel Fisher 